Joy - for the first time..

           drowned in my sleep, 

I got up at night;

          began recalling, 

What cooked up in the day.

           just washed by rain,

The day of mild winter;

          a little of sun;

The spray of cool breeze.

          an unknown force, 

Pulling me hard;

          a shivery feeling, 

Culling me slowly.

          out of the bed, 

I knew what to do;

          like a bird, 

I flew out in the sky;

           unable to figure out 

How correct i was;

          with doubts hanging; 

How tough it was..

          fixed in following 

My heart's voice;

           i waited to open 

My crossed fingers.

          and when it came, 

It was the loveliest;

           none of my dreams matched; 

It was the wildest!

          the smile followed; 

Rain in every corner;

          my thoughts gone awry; 

Pain left nowhere.

           the most special moment; 

The epitomy of joy;

          was in a bosom i slept; 

The summary of death?

          the death i know; 

It's a prolonged agony.

           but now look at me; 

It's a wicked desire!

           tasting love 

For the first time;

           i was craving 

For the next dose.

          will this last? 

Will this be no longer?

          loser as i have been; 

Will this change something?