What's there missing?

Out of the way,

as I've always been;

I tried to figure out what

is there to delay,

to call upon me;

and pull me back to the naught.

I pretend to be gay,

show my outer sheen

and tell them so much I've got;

but like always

can't bear the gleam;

I retire to the familiar drought.

No! I got in a tray

that relinquished cream

that people like me besaught.

but its well okay

that this goes under a veil,

in the world of my-made thoughts.

Was it the nay

in my early teens

that I now strive for my slot?

or is there lay

the basic dream

of each one for the closest shot.

So what's that which is grey

which I am keen

for adding it to my lot;

for this I should shay

to the inconspicuous gene

which has made my blood un-clot.

Well first to say

this thing in green

should be manouvered, getting out of the cot?

or will it play

with my broken zeal

and emerge from ice to the hot..

till then I pay

with my thoughts in teal,

and prevent myself from getting caught;

and lie in the hay,

I strike my deal;

what part of work I've got.

for coming to the day

that I dream:

I'll pull the lotus out of the rot.

When my wishes will slay

with a laser beam

and this poem will end in one dot..